So much for faithful posting. So much has transpired since I last checked in. I know I will forget so many of the things I am grateful for but I wanted to waste no more time… lately I’ve been in somewhat of a funk – it comes and goes – but I believe that thanking the Universe today for all it HAS provided will elevate me higher. So, here we go…
**2 Years Married. Beginner. Newbie. We are still in the infancy of our official union and even though we had four years of trial and error, I am present to the fact that each day I wake up in the role of wife. It means something. It’s more than a label; it’s a promise. Sometimes, seeing that we are, in fact, human – we mess up. We break the promise. We don’t show up for each other. Many times, we are not the image that we created as perfect back in Wilmington, back on the beach, back when the rings were exchanged. But what I love about us is this: awareness brings us back to center. We wander around a little aimless at times, a disappointing replacement of the partner we really want to be; but we always turn back around. We reaffirm our desire to be present and to be accounted for. I’m sure a time will come when it won’t be quite that easy, that perhaps we will wander just a little too far, but I don’t think we’ll ever lose sight of each other. I don’t think there will ever be a time when we won’t see each other; that’s what gives me so much hope and comfort as we march towards year three, five, ten, fifty. We really have seen so much of each other… the really ugly parts; yet each day we choose to wake up, acknowledge the best version of each other and then set out to create the world we have envisioned for us both. Together.
**October 4th. I am ever so grateful for this day of true celebration. Thommy and I chose it as an appropriate day to celebrate our love for one another because it is the birth date of my Memere. She is love personified. It was her exemplary example that educated my Mom in the fine art of “mommyhood.” Our family was able to surprise her a few weeks ago for a celebration dinner on this, her 85th year. It was beautiful. Since then, we have had some uncertain news regarding her health. I called her today to counsel her on what I knew and see how she was feeling. She was feeling just fine (for the most part) and was more interested in how I was doing.
I told her the truth: I was fine (for the most part). I told her I couldn’t sleep last night – or for a few nights, actually. She said (and I want this documented and easily accessible): “If you can’t sleep tonight, just think of me and how much I love you.” Memere is the most loving and understanding woman but she is not prone to exaggeration or grand gestures of love. She shows her love by consistently being the most amazing person you could ever hope to know, in every conceivable way. You always know how much she loves you. I have always known how much she loves me. But when she said that, I felt 6 years old again… comforted, safe and loved. Sometimes someone says something unexpected – even if it’s something you always knew – and you are left with no proper words in which to reply. That’s what happened today, but I trust she knows how much I love her too. More than I will ever be able to say.
**Friends. I am so grateful to be back in Central NY at this moment. A good friend who has been gracing Europe with her presence is back in this area and my favorite Cortland sister is only one hour away. Sometimes it’s hard to get myself out of the house. Even with all I think I know, even with all that I do know about the proper unfolding of this Universe, I sometimes psych myself out. I dig myself a nice little hole and hide, unseen and quiet. Just away from the outside. Thommy knows how to find me, but sometimes what I need most is a female presence – an estrogen fueled vibe to help lift me out. I am so blessed to have these girls around to raise me up. I love them, and all those who have taken the time out of chaotic schedules and let me know they’re around. I love them. XO
**Your Patience. Writing seems to have gotten away from me as of late. I am reading more and reveling in the healing words of others. I feel inspired and creative and eager to put myself out there and yet the follow-through has been lacking. I am so thrilled to see how many visits this blog gets each day, even as the weeks add up between posts. I am recommitted to showing up with more ideas, pictures and thoughts to let you know we are all ONE.
I hope you have been inspired by the awesome fall landscape. I hope you are practicing random acts of kindness and awesomeness. I hope you are eating lots of Halloween candy and taking long walks in the crunchy leaves. I hope you are loving yourself.
I love you.
“The future, too, needs to be honored, without making it more important in your mind than the present. Of course, you can make plans, and you can hold an intention in your mind of something that you wish to manifest in your life, and then take appropriate action. But the power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present. How do you do that? By recognizing the goodness that is already inherent in the present moment, even in the midst of challenges. Discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make.” ~Eckhart Tolle